In just three days here in California, something terrible is going to happen. Homosexual people will be marrying each other. Yes, I know! It's probably the end of civilization as we know it.

Now that gays and lesbians will be married, my marriage is seriously threatened. When I see a gay couple and I somehow find out that they possess a marriage license, I will no longer want to be married to my wife. I'm sure because that's what Republicans tell me, and they're the self-proclaimed experts on family values.

My wife and I have only three more days to enjoy our marriage, and then all hell breaks loose. Starting next week, when my wife and I are alone together, just knowing that there are lesbians somewhere in our city with a marriage license in their dresser drawer (or, more likey, framed and hanging in the family room) is going to make us just want to no longer be married. I guess I should start looking for a divorce lawyer this weekend. It's truly a terrible situation, because I love my wife and it's not fair that we can no longer enjoy our marriage since there are other people who are now allowed to enjoy marriage too.

I suppose the only solution is to go find another man to marry.

Damn hippie tree-hugging commie liberals, ruining my life just so others can have rights too.