"This is a helluva job. I can do only two things here. One of them is to sit up here on this rostrum and listen to you birds talk without the ability to reply. The other is to look at the newspapers every morning to see how the president's health is." --- Charles Gates Dawes, vice president 1925-29, to Senator Alben Barkley (later vice president himself, 1949-53) "The vice presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm spit." --- John Nance Garner, vice president 1933-41 (and witnesses vow that "spit" was the press's euphemism for another warm liquid) "Look at all the vice presidents in history. Where are they? They were about as useful as a cow's fifth teat." --- Harry Truman, vice president 1945