Marriage in Crisis:

Received this message today:

Dear Mike, I am writing to express strong support for the Federal Marriage Amendment, which the Senate will be voting on in the next two weeks. This amendment would define marriage as the union of one man and one woman, and is a necessary addition to our Constitution. The Federal Marriage Amendment is vital to preserve the traditional institution of marriage in our country. A Constitutional amendment that clearly defines marriage as the exclusive union of male and female is fundamental to the preservation of marriage. Sincerely, Rick Santorum, U.S. Senator

There are several things I hadn't realized until now. First, Senator Santorum apparently never studied grammar. "...voting on in..." "on in" is a double preposition. Is the Senate voting ON the amendment or IN the amendment? Doesn't make sense. Senators should use better grammar.

I'm not sure why this amendment is necessary. I've been married over 15 years and for every gay or lesbian couple I and my wife have known, not once did either of us feel the slightest bit threatened by their relationship. In fact, seeing a less-traditional union often makes me feel even more comfortable with my own.

Exactly what will happen if this amendment doesn't pass? Will my marriage become illegal? Will my children somehow be in more danger than they are now? Will gays and lesbians, now that they can obtain marriage certificates, run around having public sex all the time? Will they attack my home? Will city parks and public restrooms suddenly become unbearably clean and tidy and well-maintained? Will I be required by law to wear "Will and Grace" t-shirts? Will all our children "become" homosexual?

If it's all true, then oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Where's the bright pastel shirt section in the Men's Clothing Dept.? I'll need to update my wardrobe.

You know, If we're going to turn the Constitution into a social rules book, then lets get an amendment passed that requires everyone to shower at least once a day, because I'm offended by strong body odor.