Staying Abreast on a Breast

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. If it wasn't April Fool's Day, I would think that the following story was true:

Tenn. Woman Files Suit Over Super Bowl - Associated Press - Thursday, February 5, 2003 Terri Carlin wants to make Janet Jackson's bare breast into a federal case. Carlin filed a proposed class action lawsuit in U.S. District Court Wednesday against Jackson, singer Justin Timberlake, broadcasters MTV and CBS and their parent company, Viacom. Carlin alleges that she and others who watched the halftime show during Sunday's Super Bowl were injured by the performers' lewd actions when Timberlake ripped off part of Jackson's costume, exposing her breast. In the lawsuit, Carlin charges that the exposure and "sexually explicit conduct" by other performers during the show injured viewers. "As a direct and proximate result of the broadcast of the acts, (Carlin) and millions of others saw the acts and were caused to suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury," the lawsuit says. But Carlin, who works in a bank, doesn't specify the type of injury allegedly suffered. "All of the defendants knew that the Super Bowl, the pre-eminent sports event in the United States, would be watched by millions of families and children," says the lawsuit filed by Knoxville attorney Wayne A. Ritchie II. "Nevertheless, (they) included in the halftime show sexually explicit acts solely designed to garner publicity and, ultimately, to increase profits for themselves." The lawsuit charges that the broadcast companies and the two singers violated an "implied" contract with viewers not to subject them to lewd actions. "Families have an expectation that they can trust companies and individuals such as the defendants not to expose families to sexually explicit conduct during broadcasts of prime time events such as the Super Bowl," the lawsuit says.... [emphasis added]

The recent and ongoing cancellations, uproars, parental group demonstrations, etc. have made this story probably the most ridiculous one of the past five years, ever since every christian conservative had an envy-filled foaming-at-the-mouth conniption upon hearing that Clinton got an office quickie. My god, what if J. J. had revealed BOTH breasts?

Again, would someone please tell me what is wrong with a woman's breast? People spend $billions each year just to look at them, so how can anyone complain when you can see one for free for a measly 1.7 seconds? Oh, right, we must protect the children, those same goddam little pr*cks who work us parents over like a hooker works a nerd, those same little snot-nosed, foot-stomping, lying, furniture-and-carpet-staining rugrats who can think only about their stomachs and toy chests, who sneak onto the internet to look at.... breasts!

(By the way, my three kids are all perfect angels. I was talking about everyone else's annoying little pr*cks.)